Little Man

So last night I was talking to Andrew about how Mathias seems to have become a big boy overnight!! Yes I know hes 4yrs old and hasn't been a baby for a long time, but it seems like he got big so fast. It started two weeks before Bekah Grace was born. He finally decided to be potty trained rather than have to clean up his own mess again. I must say that was a relief and joy. Then the night before Gracie was born he started getting up in the middle of the night on his own to go potty. Once again I was thrilled. Two weeks later Mathias gave up his Pacifier, and then out of the blue about a month ago he stopped wanting his blue Linus blanket all the time. Andrew told me not to be all upset about it and that I should enjoy what I have now.

All of that brought me to think of the wonder that he has brought to my world. His Zoo of imaginary animals starting with Alligators, moving on to Tigers, Bears, Owls, Frogs, Dogs, Cats, Elephants, and pocket sized Lions living behind the t.v.. We now have graduated to Dragons, Monsters, as well as baby versions of them.

He is often finding pocket or baby monsters to me to pet and to see. The other day he was a pirate and Sisters bed was a sail boat and he was off to find treasure with his sword sticking down his back. Yesterday he was carrying his flashlight around in his pocket. When he tried to make shadow puppets on the wall I took a break from folding laundry to make a few with him.

Last week he asked for a cookie promptly broke off a piece gave it to me than another piece and gave it to Annie, saying "mom I just shared". All I could think was all are conversations on sharing were worth it. So many times when we talk to him it seems he doesn't hear anything we say, but that moment proved that he hears more than we think.

The moment when we aren't so excited to hear him say things are like last night when he said "shut up". Andrew and I feel the frustration of the way the world can influence him at those moments since we don't say that in our home. We have to remind ourselves that we cant keep him innocent forever and more moments like that will come especially after he starts school.

Yet we still get wonderful moments with him he is always trying to take care of Annie's owies. He continually is comforting Bekah Grace when I'm changing her diaper or getting clean clothes out for her. He loves talking to her and holding her hand. The way he might come in put his hand on me and say "I just love you mom." It warms me up and makes every stress of having my little ones worth it.

Mathias seems to only be able to love one person at a time though at this stage it doesn't hurt my feelings. Some days he only loves his dad, or Grandma buttons, or Poppie, etc.

I do have to say that I love him a little more each day even when all I want to do is pull my hair out and scream. I hope that I can teach him how to make the best choices in life. I hope I can be the mother he needs and deserves though many days I feel like I fail in that. Every day is a new day, a new experience, a new adventure.

Through all the laughter the tears, changes, challenges, and questions I feel like he helps me grow and change more than I could ever hope. I definitely wouldn't trade him for all the riches in the world. They would be meaningless to me compared to being a Mom!!

I hope I haven't bored anyone with my crazy thought, but I needed to put them down before there lost. In hope that someday my little man will understand just how much I Love him.